The Influences Our Fathers Have Had on Our Lives

When I was a little girl (back in the Dark Ages) a father's role was clearly defined. Dad went to work to put bread on the table, and mom used the bread to make toast in the morning, sandwiches for lunch, and bread crumbs to stretch the meatloaf for dinner.
 
My kid brother and I lived in fear of dad since we so often heard mom say "Wait until your father gets home. I'm going to give him a full report!" whenever we misbehaved. We dreaded disappointing him. We lived for his praise about everything from the grades we got in school to our successes in sports or scouts – and everything else in between.
 
For better or for worse, our fathers have had enormous influence on our lives - whether or not they took an active role in raising us.
 
Like most of my friends, I wanted my father to be proud of me. Unlike most of my friends, my dad didn't want me to be his little princess. MY dad spent our time together training me to think. From math puzzles to brain teasers, philosophy to memory codes, my dad valued quick analytical thinking and organizational skills. To this day, I still have a moment of panic whenever I make a mistake or don’t immediately understand something, fearing a look of disappointment on the faces of the people who are dear to me.
 
One of my clients shared with me that her dad was pretty much absentee while she was growing up. Mom both disciplined and adored her children. Dad worked long hours and left the responsibility of raising a family to his wife. Some of my friend's best memories are of the afternoons she spent alone with her father sailing on the Long Island sound, but she mostly remembers that he wasn’t around much while she was growing up. I wonder if she realizes that’s why she chose a husband who works at home and centers his life around her.
 
Lastly, one male friend of many years remembers every bit of criticism and every negative comment his father ever offered, every missed ball game or event his father had shown no interest in attending. When I pointed out years ago that he was missing his own son’s ballgames and spent more time critiquing than complimenting, he quickly changed his outlook and became his son’s greatest supporter.
 
What scenarios might we have imagined if we were to have guessed at the past lives we've each shared with our fathers? 
 
My dad might have been my tutor or mentor, recreating that role as my father in this life. My client's father might have been an ancient sailor who visited his home briefly between voyages, which made his absenteeism in their family life today totally understandable and even acceptable. And my friend might have been a terrible taskmaster or slave-owner in another lifetime who is now on the other end of the big karmic payback.
 
We each have loved our fathers for their good points and resented their shortcomings. We each have noticed how much we have tried to emulate our dads - still looking for praise and love so many years (even after they have passed). And finally, we each have worked long and hard to come to terms with our relationships with our fathers.
 
It’s my hope that exploring our past lifetimes with the men who “fathered” us might shed some light on those issues that are still unresolved to bring us new clarity and insight into who we are today.

---