Why I Watch 'Say Yes to the Dress'

Recognizing the relationship of both self-image and body-image to self-confidence and need for approval.

As a child, I never dreamt about becoming a bride. I never imagined my own wedding, wearing a beautiful wedding dress and walking down the aisle to marry my Prince Charming.

​So why have I been watching every single episode (and even the repeats) of 'Say Yes to the Dress' for the past five years?

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'​Say Yes to the Dress' is a popular reality TV series that follows brides as they search for the perfect wedding dress with the help of sales consultants in Manhattan's famous Kleinfeld Bridal and Atlanta's Bridals by Lori. I'm addicted to both versions of the show, although I couldn't care less about the bridal gowns themselves.

After watching each episode, I’d be hard-pressed to remember if the wedding gowns featured that day were made out of lace, silk, chiffon, taffeta, satin or burlap. I couldn’t tell you whether they were embellished with Swarovski crystals or sequins, or were voluminous ballgowns, demure a-lines or form-fitting mermaids. My husband, who was amused 30 years ago to find that I’d purchased a simple off-white silk skirt and a champagne colored tunic from Loehmann's sale racks (on two separate days) to marry him in front of our immediate families and a few best friends in our home, was shocked to see that I had set our DVR to record each episode.

In trying to explain to my clearly bemused hubby why I was so attached to the show, I realized that the two things I remember most from each episode were how the brides searched for wedding gowns that matched their ideal self-images, and how difficult it was for them to cope with the negative comments about their physical attributes made by their families and friends.

Self-Image: the ideal becomes the goal

Most often in the show, there is a disconnect between how the brides want to appear and what their entourage wants them to wear on their wedding day. They are hoping that their ideal self-image – how they would like to think of themselves and have others view them – will be realized when they put on the right dress.

A surprising amount of the brides (of all shapes and sizes!) want to look sexy for their future husband on their wedding day. They are clearly saying that they've shed their younger identities and are moving on to a new, more mature phase in life - often to the acute embarrassment of their parents. Other brides hold on tightly to their childhood fantasies and insist on dressing like Disney princesses, even when confronted with their peers' attempts to get them to try on something more fashion-forward.

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Some of the brides are looking for a dress that represents their personality, while others are searching for a look that will impress their guests. I've seen seemingly independent young career-women anxious to please Daddy, and rebellious brides determined to flaunt their rejection of Mom's lifestyle.

In each and every case, the bride sees finding a wedding gown that reflects her ideal self-image as the main goal of the day. The wedding dress becomes her opportunity to let her family and friends (and sometimes even her groom) know who she truly wants to be in her heart-of-hearts.

Body-Image: criticism can erode confidence

I often wonder what each bride really sees when she looks at herself in the mirror. Her body-image – how she perceives her physical self – affects her innermost thoughts and feelings.

How many times have I seen a bride come out to show her entourage a dress that she obviously thinks she looks great in, only to face the criticism of the those whose opinions she values most? It often surprises me, although it shouldn't, when family members and friends believe it's okay to attack a bride's appearance. Somehow, they think that their relationship gives them the right to tell a young woman that she looks like a linebacker in a strapless dress or that her butt looks like the back end of a bus in a form-fitting gown. I've rarely seen a bride who holds her own against such an attack on her appearance.

Even when the criticisms are constructive and kindly expressed, the young bride's body image is ultimately vulnerable. I keep hoping each bride will have the self-confidence to examine the body critiques to see if they hold up as valid in her own eyes. Instead, these young women often become demoralized and diminished, opting to accept the opinions of others rather than love the bodies they have.

Everyone wants approval and acceptance

We all would prefer to have approval and acceptance from those we love. This is never truer than when we are revealing our secret thoughts about our self-image and/or our body-image to people we love and respect.

Even with discord (and sometimes outright conflict) between the bride-to-be and her entourage, most of these young women want their friends and families to agree that they absolutely LOVE the dress the bride has chosen - and the way the she looks in it - before they themselves are finally willing to say that all-important "Yes" to the dress.

So why do I watch 'Say Yes to the Dress'? It reminds me that, although it’s been years since I was a young bride-to-be, my self-image needs to stay strong, and I need to put effort into being comfortable with my aging body. I’m well past retirement age, but I have no plans to end my late-life career as a hypnotherapist. It keeps me on top of my game, and I get immense satisfaction out of helping people live their own best lives. And, although I no longer look good in mini-skirts and bikinis, I can still work out and stay healthy and fit.  I sometimes still look for the approval of others – but I’m working on that.

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Poor self-image and unhealthy body-image invariably result in a lack of confidence or self-esteem. Our young people today, male and female, are inundated with fantasy role models by the media. They are subjected to the harsh criticisms and judgements so prevalent on social media. No wonder that they haven’t developed the ability to be comfortable in their own skins, to love themselves from the inside out, and to understand that they don’t have to accept the opinions of others as their own reality.
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In my hypnotherapy practice, I’ve met dozens of children, teens, adults and even senior-citizens who think poorly of themselves. They come to me for help with stress and anxiety, with relationships, with weight problems and harmful habits they’d like to break. To most effectively help these clients resolve their issues, I frequently begin by helping them accept themselves as they are. To find out if hypnotherapy might help you or a loved one, call me anytime at 973-657-0571 or leave me a message below.

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