Love Life: Dates, Mates & Soulmates

Can you relate to any of these laments on love?
"How is it possible that I’ve fallen in love with someone ‘at first sight’? "
"I have a great relationship, so why can’t I make a commitment?"
"Why do I choose partners who are inappropriate or emotionally unavailable?"
"Why do so many of the people I date have problems with drugs or alcohol?"
"Why do I continue to put up with abuse from my mate?"

​Whether you are young or old, married or single, male or female, your love life has probably given you cause to question your choices. You fall head over heels in love with someone you just met and don’t know why. You find that you’re anxious to make a commitment to someone special, but something is holding you back. You make terrible choices in love, choosing people who don’t fit, can’t show love or affection, or who are ruled by addiction. Or you start off thinking you’ve made a great choice, and later discover that your mate is too controlling or physically, verbally or emotionally abusive.

If you believe in reincarnation, you already know that your dates, mates, and even your soulmates, are most probably people with whom you’ve had a relationship in the past. Just as the same souls reappear in life after life, the issues you face in your love life today may well be the result of events, good or bad, that you’ve experienced in a past life.

I believe that so much of the time our love lives are ruled by circumstances we don’t remember. Lifetimes of serenity and conflict, contentment and drama, great loves and great losses.

Here’s a case-study (names changed to protect the lovelorn) that I hope might explain the forces that lie behind our choice of mates …
     Ellen is a well-respected, highly intelligent businesswoman. Married for 40 years, she and her husband David seem to have a true partnership. They’ve raised a lovely family, run a successful business, and share the same interests. Ellen was hoping to find out why she could never achieve the level of mutual intimacy and commitment she had hoped to have with David.
In a recent past life regression, Ellen remembered a lifetime in which she was a young man living on an island in the South Seas. He pursued, and eventually won, the hand of a lovely young woman. Totally enamored of the woman, he tried his best to make her happy, but felt that he hadn’t really won her heart.
     Moving ahead in time, Ellen reported that the couple had become leaders in their community. Ellen remembered that the entire village came to the man she had been for advice and counsel, and his wife was very much involved in her activities with the other women. At home, though, he lamented the fact that his wife was oblivious to his need for a stronger emotional bond. Ellen said that the wife was “a good woman who was dedicated to their home and family, but she doesn’t understand what he wants from her. She thinks she’s done everything she was supposed to do to be a good wife.”
     Witnessing the time of death as an old man, Ellen’s heart broke as she realized that the man was truly bereft – never having been able to make his wife understand his need for a deeper, more profound connection.  
     As she came out of the regression, Ellen was certain that David was the wife she saw in the past life, and that their marriage was much the same today as it had been then. She remarked that she had “recognized” David the moment she met him, and immediately knew they were meant to make a life together. Ellen wondered if she chose to incarnate in this lifetime with reversed roles in hopes that David would finally be able to recognize the love she was offering. Although sad that nothing had really changed in their relationship in this lifetime, Ellen was relieved to know that the issues in their life today had deep-seeded roots she hadn’t recognized until then. It appears that while she brought her hopes and dreams of a deep love connection with her into this incarnation, David was still unable to see beyond fulfilling their more superficial roles as husband and wife.  

In A Midsummer Night’s Dream, William Shakespeare wrote the famous line “The course of true love never did run smooth.” It’s often repeated, mostly because it’s so true! Our love life may allow us to continue a relationship with someone we’ve once loved, or it might offer the opportunity to resolve the issues of the past.

As you’ve most likely guessed, I believe that we often choose to date, mate or live as soulmates with those we’ve known before. We repeat patterns, helpful or harmful, in hopes that we’ll move toward greater love and greater good in the end.
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(For more information about the three most common types of soulmates, check out my first blog post “Loving Soulmates.”)
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